Sunday, August 16, 2009

Of abrupt midway halts and the mediocrity emanating therefrom

I write this being the first to acknowledge my incompetence to write on such topics, because everyone around me would be willing to testify that I am not a regular movie-goer, let alone a movie-buff. But things have been different recently. Over the past month and a half, I have seen four movies at various theatres, of which three have been hindi movies and have resulted in me lamenting spending money on them. Out of these three, two have seemed to be movies which their respective movie-making teams tried to make something good out of, and the third seemed to be one no-one could make anything out of. On the banks of this recently acquired experience, I grant myself a licence to write a movie-centric post and I hope it won't be as tough to read through as it was to sit through these movies.

Taking the movies in the order I saw them, I start with New York - a tale attempting to convey to us the alleged hardships inflicted upon certain innocent people by the US government and the mental effect these tortures had on them. Convey the message to us, it did, but effectively? No. So, what happened? Assumedly, everyone decided to make a good and educating movie, stumbled upon a decent script, chose a decent star-cast, hand-picked some good songs, and then decided the work was done. Probably sometime during the shooting of the film, instead of making a film to educate the masses, the director decided to make a film to educate the movie industry on how not to educate the masses. The only message that got effectively conveyed was the ability of bad direction to single-handedly spoil a potentially good movie. I am probably being a bit too harsh on the director, because the performances weren't so good either, but I believe that the performances of the actors are in direct co-relation with how well the director chooses to make them perform. Here is when I am perhaps making my first fallacious argument as a non-seasoned movie critic, but this is the kind of feeling I get when I see an amazingly-misdirected movie like this one, and especially on watching a scene that could offer serious competition to anything that claims to be the epitome of bad direction - the one that showed the attack on the WTC. I remember being more shocked sitting in Gurgaon watching the attack on TV at a tender age of 13 than these people were portrayed to be while in New York at fairly more matured ages. That's why this post is about half-attempts to make a good movie and of how the concerned people just seemingly give up midway and of how this leads to boredom and disappointments among the general public.

Well, moving on, the next movie I saw was Kambakht Ishq and anything I say about that movie would not do justice to how bad the movie was, and how pointless and fruitless the attempt (if at all there was any) to make a half-decent movie seemed. (I think I must confess I did go to see the movie for Kareena Kapoor, another bad choice - enough said.)

That brings me to the idiomatic "andhon mein kaana raja" - Kaminey. I must confess the abrupt halt that occurred in the will to make a good movie came much later in this particular case than in the aforementioned movies, and hence, it was more tolerable than either of those was. The director decided to emulate Tarantino's distinct style of running shots with hand-held cameras, including shaken-up shots to depict chase scenes, of effectively and smoothly integrating music with the shots etc. and did succeed to a certain extent. But again, he probably decided that it was too much of an effort to try to give the public what would have been something refreshingly different and decided to play it safe. Or it may be that he got tired of the amount of brains he had to put into the making of the movie, and of the ridicule he would have been drawing for it from his counterparts, who use as much brains while making a movie as we do while copying an assignment (because that essentially is what they do), and pulled up the reins of his thinking horses and let things drift out of hand and the public drift out of the theatres somewhere around the half hour mark.

Now, if anyone decided to take matters into their own hands and extend these half-attempts into complete attempts, we would have had two excellent movies with good direction, good story lines and good acting. I write this because I seriously believe the movies had enough potential to be turned into the sort of movies we all like, admire and look forward to. Here's hoping people start having faith in themselves and pursuing the half-attempts till the end to give us movies we would love to feast on, rather than lament through sentences reflecting the what-could-have-beens that we usually end up doing, and that I didn't screw up my first attempt (or first few attempts) at reviewing movies.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Chewing Gum

I have always believed that chewing gum helps increase concentration, and before I started writing it, I Googled it and found that it does help the mind in some way. Anyway, this post is about how I find how it helps me clear my mind of all the things I don't wanna think about.

So, two days ago, I was in Mumbai for the make-shift weekend that the company offered us, and the friend with whom I was supposed to be visiting the city had an appointment with his dentist. Hence, I had about two hours by myself in Mumbai, and I found myself at Charni Road. One look around and I found a Cafe Coffee Day (CCD, hereinafter). Two hours there would be tough, but it was worth a try, especially with some eye-candy sitting inside. This post, thence, has its origin in the effectiveness of chewing-gum (or chewing a chewing-gum, or chewing chewing-gum, or just chewing gum or whatever, I guess you get the point) in giving your mind an idle-feel.

I spotted it as soon as I entered CCD, and thought it was a risk worth taking.(A risk because they say an idle mind is a devil's workshop.) After some pondering over, I decided to give it a go and bought a 5s pack of Wrigley's Double Mint, and put one into my mouth. I took another look around and found some old issues of Outlook Magazine kept on some tables and picked up two of them to read and help pass time. They turned out to be election-related and election-dedicated issues, which I read through during the hour and a half that I was there. About 15 election based articles later, I was once-again disgusted with the Indian media. There were biased views expressed in each article and it wasn't difficult to find the author's "favourite" political party quite clearly in as early as the first paragraphs. What surprised me was that there were some who praised the parties that were evidently not among their preferred ones, and the sardonicism was still discernible, even though some were able to conceal it better within highly verbose texts intended to divert the innocent-reader. But chewing-gum (or chewing a chewing-gum, or chewing chewing-gum or chewing gum...) helps you see through that. And I found myself wondering if writing an article which is supposed to express unbiased views and which carries a footnote describing you as an "independent researcher and journalist" is a mask good enough to clandestinely pass off whatever you feel yourself to the unsuspecting reader. Shouldn't these kind of articles be edited and re-edited to take all the traces of favouritism out? Should it not be a responsibility of the media to give the readers, who turn to the media as a source of unbiased opinion and as an educative means, the unbiased opinion they look for?

That state of disgust drove me out of the CCD, and thinking of what to do, I glanced over to the side where the beach is supposed to be, and to my surprise, found the sand more golden and "Sit down upon"-able than I thought it would be and headed off there. The dirtiness of the sea water though, concurred with my expectations and made my 'liberated' mind start thinking of the awesome tourism potential that Mumbai has and which, sadly, hasn't yet been well exploited. I stood and stared at the coast for about 15 minutes thinking about what everyone of us has surely thought about till now, the Had-I-been-in-the-shoes-of-this-particular-minister-,-I-would-have kinda stuff, with the particular minister in my case being the tourism minister of Maharashtra. Thenceforth, my mind wandered on to the take-for-granted approach that we have towards our national heritage and our tourism related hotspots. I mean, how many times have you seen people having a pack of Kurkure or Lays and throwing it wherever they want? Or people inscribing their own names and those of their lovers in a crookedly shaped heart on the walls of these monuments? Or people taking the golden opportunity that a nearby flowing river offers them to bathe and to wash their clothes there itself? Why do people start complaining about India on coming back from a foreign tour instead of realizing the problems plaguing the nation and working towards their amelioration?

And disgust was one of the two causes that I left that beach. The other one, though, doesn't have to be mentioned here. A short trip to a Levis store later, I saw an outlet of Gelato Italiano, something that I can't resist. So, in I went and had a scoop of Gelato Kulfi. Inside the store, I had an experience that made me smile. A small girl of about 7 was recounting an incident to two people who seemed to be her father and her uncle. Not surprisingly, she was using the British language, instead of our national one to do so. Hypocritical though it may seem, I have trouble explaining to myself why people use English for their day-to-day conversations when they can very well use Hindi (or their mother-tongues)? I mean, I understand that English is the universal language and I wholly concede that it is absolutely essential in the modern world, but one can certainly maintain a distinction as to when to use English and when to prefer the language that is a direct descendant of the purest of the pure languages-Sanskrit. What I fail to understand is why parents are unwilling to speak to their child(ren) in Hindi and hence, carry on all conversation at home in the British tongue. Why do we look down upon someone using Hindi when we are at a public place? And why do we have to find moments where MPs use Hindi as the swearing-in language and rejoice at them, rather than scorn at others who are from states that have Hindi as the first language yet take their oaths in English?

The only thing that kept me there was the amazing ice-cream. And I stayed and listened. And her uncle got a phone call in the meantime and she had to repeat the story to him. So, she started all over- and this time in Hindi!! And it's a praiseworthy thing that she used as good Hindi as she was speaking in English (even exchanging phrases like "Oh my God!" with "Arey Baba!"). I stood there for some more time, and as luck would have it, found out soon that her father was a teacher, and then I realized that if these were the teachers looking after the youth of the nation (of which even I am a part, though it may seem otherwise from the serious nature of this post), then maybe there's some hope. Let us hope these teachers also educate the youth about unbiased opining, especially when sure their opinions will influence others, and about respecting our heritage and keeping the country clean. Let India become a great nation once again!

And then I had to spit out the chewing gum because it started tasting bland and I realized that I had passed three hours instead of the requisite two, and that my friend was still at the dentist's. And it can easily be said that I had a good time over the entire weekend, this time catching a movie that is definitely one of the best comedies I have seen in a while - Hangover. Even though I am still hung over from the 5 chewing gums that I had over the past 2 days, that was a great way to chew 20 hours away.

PS: I thought of naming this as "Random Rumblings of an Idle Mind", but then I thought this would be better.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Pathetic Fallacy

Pathetic Fallacy (n.) - poetic practice of attributing human emotion or responses to nature, inanimate objects, or animals. The practice is a form of personification that is as old as poetry, in which it has always been common to find smiling or dancing flowers, angry or cruel winds, brooding mountains, moping owls, or happy larks.

Emotions to nature, huh? Let's see. I don't think anyone would have come up with this: Cruel rains.

Flashback:
15th May 2009: "You should arrange for someone to pick you up from the guesthouse because it rains cats and dogs here", my boss said to me. "If it starts raining, sometimes it rains continuously for 2-3 days", someone else said to me. "Stupid you, you should have thought that you are going to Gujarat where it rains a lot", my conscience said to me. "Oh yeah? Whatever." I replied to each one.

15th June 2009:
Me: Oh f**k, it isn't raining here. Wasn't it supposed to? I was warned by bloody everyone that it f**king starts raining here by the 7th of June. I want it to rain.
Stephen: B***h!! It shouldn't rain. I hate that thing.
Me: Dude, it hasn't been raining in India this year and it's f**king important for the economy. It should rain b***h.
Stephen: Haan, so let it rain everywhere in India except here. Why the f**k do you want it to rain here, b***h?
Me: 'Coz I like rain.
Stephen: Biiiiiitttttt******hhhhh.

22nd June 2009:
After a light shower the previous day, I was mulling buying a raincoat, and therefore, I asked my room-mate where I could get one. (Cause I haven't yet been able to figure out what you get where in Gujarat. It took me 40 days to find a shop where I could buy Dhokla.) And he replied if I wanted it just then. And voila, that was the moment my laziness was looking forward to, and I found an excuse. Why not wait till it starts raining proper? And so, I waited.

That day, Stephen returned from Mumbai with a raincoat and an umbrella. That quelled all the remaining desire I had to buy a raincoat, because he surely wouldn't be using both at the same time. Would he?

And then, the heavens looked like they would open, and open they did. But not for so long. We got into a car and went back to the guesthouse. And it started raining everyday, but thankfully, only in the evenings when we usually found someone to take us back.

25th June 2009: At the notice board:
Dear employees,
This is to inform you that the coming Saturday and Sunday, 27th and 28th of June, 2009 will be working days. All employees will be provided with holidays on Tuesday and Wednesday, 30th of June and the 1st of July 2009 in lieu of the weekend.
Seeking your co-operation,
Manager, HR
26th June 2009: As the clock was striking 9 in the night, guesthouse-mates had an idea. Go for a movie. New York. The next 3 hours passed amid frequent power failures, non functioning air-conditioner troubles and some naps in the middle of the amazingly badly directed movie, which I wouldn't even counsel my worst adversary to watch. Proper sleep wasn't to come till about 1 in the night.

Back to the Present:
Here your humble author is sitting in front of his friend's laptop, because someone in the factory cared so much about your author's laptop that he sat on it as fondly as a hen sits over her egg to hatch it, working on a saturday, drenched in rain, with his trousers completely wet writing this post kicking himself for not buying a raincoat and using Stephen's raincoat in the morning while daring to ride pillion on a motorbike when it was raining like hell, thinking about existential issues like the raison d'etre of rainfall, planning to buy a raincoat as soon as possible, though he is sure, dear readers, that he will convince himself otherwise by the time it's time to buy one. Because, if it's raining, then he wouldn't be able to go out and buy one. And if it isn't, why buy one at all?

So, cruel rains it is then. Because when it rains occassionally, it's a welcome break, but when it rains everyday, it disrupts everything dear readers. It disrupts everything.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Some rant this will be

So finally, I decided to take a break from taking a break from writing and write this post, which as the title suggest and prophesies, will be a rant, expressed, as all rants are, with strong emotions and expressed, quite unlike all rants, with some sardonic expressions.

So, without further ado, here's a list of things that are bugging me right now.

1) MY INTERN - Even though it's fair to say that it isn't the worst of all possible interns, but I'm not getting the best deal either. And no, I don't wish for insatiable demands, but I do wish for consistency. Why would I want to have days when I work for 12 hours a day, instead of the requisite 10, and other days when I have to find ways to occupy myself for even those 10 hours? Why would I want to have a boss who shows me the most complicated air-conditioning system in the world and expects answers within a day, and when I do have answers, is either unwilling to listen or is too occupied elsewhere? Why would I suddenly want this boss to start paying so much attention to me that he asks me what to do after every half an hour? Why would I want to be stuck up in a place where the poshest eatery is something that is named similar to "Gujju Bhai ka Dhaba"? Why would I want to live in a guesthouse, which has a TV for sure, but with that TV not showing any star network channel? (And no, I don't give a damn about Star Plus and all, but its Star Sports, ESPN, Star Cricket and Star Movies I'm talking about.) Why would I want to have a room-mate who goes to sleep as soon as he sees double digits on his watch and wakes up even if the light is switched on for a second? Those questions, albeit rhetorical, have one answer - No way. Oh, how this intern bugs me!

2) Google Chrome crashing - I publically declare that Google Chrome's my favourite browser, and it had been working fine till yesterday. And as nothing was supposed to be going my way, off it went. And now it's gone. Not my way, but off into the wilderness. It gives a crazy error when it starts and I've tried everything from changing the version numbers, uninstalling and reinstalling multitudes of times, trying to start it under safe mode, trying to start it with kaspersky disabled, taking a coconut and offering it to my laptop so that Chrome starts working etc. In short, all that I've not done is jump around naked in my room, but again, I'm not sure it'll please my laptop. Some hot girl doing the same may, but me-I'm not sure. And working with Firefox's bugging me like hell.

3) The Internet Speed here - I'm sure I'll be able to complete this post before the youtube video loads in the adjacent tab. That is how slow the net is. Facebook's unresponsive, Bing doesn't work, sites don't open and the net stops for sometimes in between, ruthlessly murdering all my attempts at downloading something. I have had to live on the same stock of movies and songs for 2 weeks now, and patiently waited for 5 hours for a supernatural or a house episode to buffer, before the net went away and made me postpone the plans of watching the episode to the next day, and in one case, till after the vacations at IIT.

4) The thing I cannot describe here - And why's that? Because a blog is a public medium and hence, everyone can read it. I tried having a private blog, but that's no use either - cause no one can read it. And people whom I want to tell this to don't blog, so there's no point making a blog with limited viewership. And that's what somewhat explains the frequency with which I blog, because after realising that this blog post, an attempt to help me get rid of my frustration, is turning out to be a futile one, I'm thinking of not posting it, but now that I've written a long sentence like this one, I'm thinking I would make this the last sentence by increasing its convoluted nature by adding a few commas, semi-colons, colons, ellipses, hyphens, dashes or whatever other halting-the-reading punctuation marks come to my mind, so that all the readers have to go around it a lot of times to get what I'm trying to make it difficult for them to get, inspite of me wanting everyone to get it, so that at the end, when they know what bugs me, or think they know what bugs me, and if inspired by it or sure they can do a better job at it, want to write a similar post, this sentence should figure at number one on their list.

PS: This isn't a complete list. I believe Google doesn't have the hard-drive space available to be able to accommodate all that's bugging me right now.
PPS: For those of you who thought you got the last sentence,
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I'm not sure you realized that what you read is not what I meant. :D