Pathetic Fallacy

Pathetic Fallacy (n.) - poetic practice of attributing human emotion or responses to nature, inanimate objects, or animals. The practice is a form of personification that is as old as poetry, in which it has always been common to find smiling or dancing flowers, angry or cruel winds, brooding mountains, moping owls, or happy larks.

Emotions to nature, huh? Let's see. I don't think anyone would have come up with this: Cruel rains.

Flashback:

15th May 2009: "You should arrange for someone to pick you up from the guesthouse because it rains cats and dogs here", my boss said to me. "If it starts raining, sometimes it rains continuously for 2-3 days", someone else said to me. "Stupid you, you should have thought that you are going to Gujarat where it rains a lot", my conscience said to me. "Oh yeah? Whatever." I replied to each one.

15th June 2009:

Me: Oh f**k, it isn't raining here. Wasn't it supposed to? I was warned by bloody everyone that it f**king starts raining here by the 7th of June. I want it to rain.

Stephen: B***h!! It shouldn't rain. I hate that thing.

Me: Dude, it hasn't been raining in India this year and it's f**king important for the economy. It should rain b***h.

Stephen: Haan, so let it rain everywhere in India except here. Why the f**k do you want it to rain here, b***h?

Me: 'Coz I like rain.

Stephen: Biiiiiitttttt******hhhhh.

22nd June 2009:

After a light shower the previous day, I was mulling buying a raincoat, and therefore, I asked my room-mate where I could get one. (Cause I haven't yet been able to figure out what you get where in Gujarat. It took me 40 days to find a shop where I could buy Dhokla.) And he replied if I wanted it just then. And voila, that was the moment my laziness was looking forward to, and I found an excuse. Why not wait till it starts raining proper? And so, I waited.

That day, Stephen returned from Mumbai with a raincoat and an umbrella. That quelled all the remaining desire I had to buy a raincoat, because he surely wouldn't be using both at the same time. Would he?

And then, the heavens looked like they would open, and open they did. But not for so long. We got into a car and went back to the guesthouse. And it started raining everyday, but thankfully, only in the evenings when we usually found someone to take us back.

25th June 2009: At the notice board:

Dear employees,

This is to inform you that the coming Saturday and Sunday, 27th and 28th of June, 2009 will be working days. All employees will be provided with holidays on Tuesday and Wednesday, 30th of June and the 1st of July 2009 in lieu of the weekend.

Seeking your co-operation,

Manager, HR

26th June 2009: As the clock was striking 9 in the night, guesthouse-mates had an idea. Go for a movie. New York. The next 3 hours passed amid frequent power failures, non functioning air-conditioner troubles and some naps in the middle of the amazingly badly directed movie, which I wouldn't even counsel my worst adversary to watch. Proper sleep wasn't to come till about 1 in the night.

Back to the Present:

Here your humble author is sitting in front of his friend's laptop, because someone in the factory cared so much about your author's laptop that he sat on it as fondly as a hen sits over her egg to hatch it, working on a saturday, drenched in rain, with his trousers completely wet writing this post kicking himself for not buying a raincoat and using Stephen's raincoat in the morning while daring to ride pillion on a motorbike when it was raining like hell, thinking about existential issues like the raison d'etre of rainfall, planning to buy a raincoat as soon as possible, though he is sure, dear readers, that he will convince himself otherwise by the time it's time to buy one. Because, if it's raining, then he wouldn't be able to go out and buy one. And if it isn't, why buy one at all?

So, cruel rains it is then. Because when it rains occassionally, it's a welcome break, but when it rains everyday, it disrupts everything dear readers. It disrupts everything.

Some rant this will be

So finally, I decided to take a break from taking a break from writing and write this post, which as the title suggest and prophesies, will be a rant, expressed, as all rants are, with strong emotions and expressed, quite unlike all rants, with some sardonic expressions.

So, without further ado, here's a list of things that are bugging me right now.

1) MY INTERN - Even though it's fair to say that it isn't the worst of all possible interns, but I'm not getting the best deal either. And no, I don't wish for insatiable demands, but I do wish for consistency. Why would I want to have days when I work for 12 hours a day, instead of the requisite 10, and other days when I have to find ways to occupy myself for even those 10 hours? Why would I want to have a boss who shows me the most complicated air-conditioning system in the world and expects answers within a day, and when I do have answers, is either unwilling to listen or is too occupied elsewhere? Why would I suddenly want this boss to start paying so much attention to me that he asks me what to do after every half an hour? Why would I want to be stuck up in a place where the poshest eatery is something that is named similar to "Gujju Bhai ka Dhaba"? Why would I want to live in a guesthouse, which has a TV for sure, but with that TV not showing any star network channel? (And no, I don't give a damn about Star Plus and all, but its Star Sports, ESPN, Star Cricket and Star Movies I'm talking about.) Why would I want to have a room-mate who goes to sleep as soon as he sees double digits on his watch and wakes up even if the light is switched on for a second? Those questions, albeit rhetorical, have one answer - No way. Oh, how this intern bugs me!

2) Google Chrome crashing - I publically declare that Google Chrome's my favourite browser, and it had been working fine till yesterday. And as nothing was supposed to be going my way, off it went. And now it's gone. Not my way, but off into the wilderness. It gives a crazy error when it starts and I've tried everything from changing the version numbers, uninstalling and reinstalling multitudes of times, trying to start it under safe mode, trying to start it with kaspersky disabled, taking a coconut and offering it to my laptop so that Chrome starts working etc. In short, all that I've not done is jump around naked in my room, but again, I'm not sure it'll please my laptop. Some hot girl doing the same may, but me-I'm not sure. And working with Firefox's bugging me like hell.

3) The Internet Speed here - I'm sure I'll be able to complete this post before the youtube video loads in the adjacent tab. That is how slow the net is. Facebook's unresponsive, Bing doesn't work, sites don't open and the net stops for sometimes in between, ruthlessly murdering all my attempts at downloading something. I have had to live on the same stock of movies and songs for 2 weeks now, and patiently waited for 5 hours for a supernatural or a house episode to buffer, before the net went away and made me postpone the plans of watching the episode to the next day, and in one case, till after the vacations at IIT.

4) The thing I cannot describe here - And why's that? Because a blog is a public medium and hence, everyone can read it. I tried having a private blog, but that's no use either - cause no one can read it. And people whom I want to tell this to don't blog, so there's no point making a blog with limited viewership. And that's what somewhat explains the frequency with which I blog, because after realising that this blog post, an attempt to help me get rid of my frustration, is turning out to be a futile one, I'm thinking of not posting it, but now that I've written a long sentence like this one, I'm thinking I would make this the last sentence by increasing its convoluted nature by adding a few commas, semi-colons, colons, ellipses, hyphens, dashes or whatever other halting-the-reading punctuation marks come to my mind, so that all the readers have to go around it a lot of times to get what I'm trying to make it difficult for them to get, inspite of me wanting everyone to get it, so that at the end, when they know what bugs me, or think they know what bugs me, and if inspired by it or sure they can do a better job at it, want to write a similar post, this sentence should figure at number one on their list.

PS: This isn't a complete list. I believe Google doesn't have the hard-drive space available to be able to accommodate all that's bugging me right now.
PPS: For those of you who thought you got the last sentence,
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I'm not sure you realized that what you read is not what I meant. :D